The reality of living with a narcissist is very disturbing because he is a difficult partner to contend with. In fact, surviving a narcissist , you must
have a manual that guides you. Holding on to tips of how to survive will spare your mental state especially if you are not ready to leave your
marriage. Many times a spouse decides to remain with the narcissistic partner for reasons like, love, economic , compassion, the children,
commitment and more. Furthermore, living with a narcissist is mentally exhausting and can put enormous pressure on the well being of the spouse.
As such, one must learn coping skills of how to live with the daily doses of harassment, selfishness, arrogance, cruelty and toxic disposition of a partner.
https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhausted-woman/2017/06/12-survival-tips-for-living-with-a-narcissist/. Generally, coping with a narcissist is tough .
Living with an African bred toxic male exaggerates your plight. Even when an African male is not narcissistic, the cultural norms mold him into
one. Unconsciously, we raise sons that we turn into narcissist when parents insist that sons must abide by the traditional cultural Masculine norms.
However, these cultural norms demonize the African male and ascribes to him unfortunate characteristics of a narcissist. Having identified a
narcissist in the bed, it is most essential to have a plan on how to survive the tragic relationship and still live happily ever after. A survival manual
for living with a narcissist is apt especially if you answered yes to the question: Is your spouse a narcissist?https://familyfaculties.com/2020/07/08/is-your-spouse-a-narcissist-2/
Firstly, you must be ready to emotionally step aside and observe the way things are. Detach emotionally so that you are more realistic. Study the
narcissist and get knowledge of his mode of operation. Arguments are distractions so stop them and refocus on the acts being put up. Try to
dispassionately evaluate the characteristics of a narcissist and that way you have a clear head to make decisions. It will also help you achieve balance in your emotions.
Secondly, it is important to be realistic about the persona. Please do not have the expectations that he will change. He is already set in his ways and
will not change. Understand that , it is a personality disorder. His mind convinces him of his superiority and this is how he shields himself from his
insecure and fragile emotions. Accept the way it is and plan on surviving all his antics. It is also wise to safely remove your emotions and save yourself
from hurt. Accept the person and do not try to change him rather adopt a strategy that is healthy for you. Do not hope that he will change because
you will be setting yourself up for hurt. The person may alter some of his ways but the core traits are there for life. As a matter of fact, he gets worse
with age because aging compounds his insecurities. Accept who he is. Keep your eyes open and strive to take care of yourself as long as you are living with him.
Thirdly, a narcissist will want every information about you. He bullies, manipulates to get those but keep personal information to yourself because
he will use it as ammunition against you. It is unfortunate it has to be like this because he looks for something that he will have over you. Most
women are lovey dovey with their husbands and divulge family information, he will betray your trust and judge you with the information
you entrusted him with. But , he is never trusting you with any. At best , he will lie and colour his mess. For instance, some childless women are deeply
hurt by the narcissist who judges her. Be careful what personal information you share, he will humiliate you with it.
Fourthly, insist on setting boundaries. Narcissists hate boundaries. This is because they have no respect for you and their sense of entitlement drives
them. However, it is important not to allow him drag you to his level. If not you will find yourself explaining, defending and justifying things. He will
interrogate you and accuse you of lying. Also do not allow him suck you into the blame game where you don’t address the real issue but look for
who to blame for the issues on ground. They will never apologize for their follies but require such from you. Do not apologize just to maintain peace
because he will repeat the cycle of abuse hoping to always get away. Thus, leaving you hurting. Shield yourself and trivialize his tantrums. ”They
might even exaggerate another’s wrong to minimize their own. Instead, put every error in its’ proper context, refuse to apologize just to keep the peace,
and resist the temptation to shift blame back to the narcissist. Don’t become like them while in the process of trying to learn how to live with
Fifth strategy is that you should massage his ego. This fools him into believing in the mirage of a conqueror. Narcissists think the world of
themselves and the African society already socializes them into believing they are the lions in the tribe of their homes. They play god so just let them
live in their delusions. It is important we remember here that a narcissist has a deep seated insecurity which spills out of bruised ego. He is
constantly battle ready all the time. He always sees you as competition even when he rules. Satisfaction doesn’t even come with winning rather inflicted
pain on the opponent is more satisfying. Most narcissists cannot even understand what drives them. There are different things that can bruise his
ego. They take out their frustrations on multiple sex partners because they feel inadequate sexually. Infidelity is not about you rather is a supply of
security. ignore the excesses and occupy your mind with the fundamental queries that are unanswered. Pay him compliments like ‘awwww you are
looking so handsome in that’. Or just show appreciation when he does things. They need reassurance. Surviving with a narcissist is possible.
Another coping skill in these tips for surviving with a narcissist is your ability to understand his abuse tactics. Abuse can be emotional, physical, financial, sexual, psychological and more. You
can easily understand his tactics. This is because narcissists are habit creatures. He will repeat his pattern so pay attention and discern it. For
instance his abuse tactics may include lying, twisting the truth, aggression, gas lighting and so on. Try to separate your emotion from this because he
can’t help himself. He will go out of his way to strangle funds from you because sex and money for him are ammunition. Get busy with yourself and create your funds.
Nevertheless, you have to have an open mind about your success. Focus on achieving good health for yourself so you don’t crack and sink into
depression. Living with a narcissist is mentally exhausting. This survival manual of surviving with a narcissist is not exhaustive. It will go a long way.
However, carve out your for every relationship is not the same. Deal with your very special peculiarity but these will greatly point a
direction.Considering the possibility of depression, have someone to talk to all the time. He may try to alienate you. Refuse that because you will erupt
one day into a full blown mental health patient. Help yourself while you can. Talk to someone.