Is your spouse a narcissist? There is no test for this before a marriage. The most ignorant stage of a marriage is the beginning. Who did you marry?
Right from courtship or dating, most people don’t really know a lot about their spouse. Marriage is like wrapped parcel, which you don’t know what
is inside till you unwrap it. Is your spouse a narcissist? During courtship, the lady usually explains away any untoward behaviour because she is
intoxicated with emotions and her reasoning is warped. Judgement is always impaired and you overlook red flags that are visible. Consequently,
with a skewed mind, she prefers to leave issues and falsely believes they will change. Couples go for marriage counselling these days, they check for
genotype, HIV and how religious they are. No one ever stops to ask …….Is my spouse a narcissist?…..We must realize that there are different types of
narcissism. There are malignant, grandiose, covert and many more. We shall focus on the grandiose narcissist for the purpose of this writing. Most
of the time , we live with a narcissist but society brands it the African man. I beg to differ, he has a personality disorder that may have been caused by
childhood trauma, genes and environmental factors. Let’s not make excuses for toxic relationships with the excuse that African men are like
that. Nasty is not our culture, moreover, let’s stop creating a stereotype that the African men are harsh, brutal , hard, difficult and unloving. These traits do not define a man. Those traits are vices.
A narcissist has been described as ‘extremely self-centered with an exaggerated sense of self-importance’ . Also a narcissist has an ‘excessive
admiration of, or infatuation’ of himself. Https://Www.Merriam-Webster.Com/Dictionary/Narcissistic This is a simple definition of
narcissism. Researchers in the 20th century insist that it is a personality disorder. However, it is more common in men, though an insignificant percentage of
women have this behavioural disorder. Genetic and environmental factors cause the narcissistic behaviour. For the purpose of this discourse, we shall
focus on the male narcissist since they are prevalent. Talk therapy can be a form of management of Narcissitic behaviour . Also, if your spouse is a
narcissist, how do you know? Unfortunately, the African society makes excuses for this behavioural disorder and rather counts it as being manly. Whereas this
person’s acts are negative. Unfortunately, women accept it as part of their cross and crumble under depression.
It is important to be able to answer the question…..Is your spouse a grandiose narcissist?… That way you can also learn how to live with one. We shall take
a close look at the characteristics of a grandiose narcissist . By the end of this writing, you may just be able to answer in the affirmative or not. Is your spouse a
grandiose narcissist? Grandiosity is one of the main characteristics of a narcissist.
Firstly, a Grandiose Narcissist has an exaggerated sense of superiority over others. He will never agree with your own intelligence and wants to verify
any information you give him. He wants to dominate your reasoning and consequently erode your self esteem. As a matter of fact, he is arrogant and
vain and will never recognize your ability to achieve. This Spouse actually enjoys humiliating and belittling you. A grandiose narcissist has a
fragile self esteem and also a fractured insecure core. Because he feels superior, he is always right and arguments must be his way.
Secondly, a Grandiose narcissist hates boundaries because he just wants to be in power. He will set the rule but you cannot. Importantly, Personal boundaries are healthy in any
relationship. A narcissist feels entitled and does not care about anyone even his spouse. They do as they like and with impunity they hurt you without
considering how you feel. Yet he wants to be treated well. He has no respect for anyone. A narcissist hates obeying the law. This is because they feel it is their right to do it . If you
point out your hurt, he feels violated and insulted about why you should even complain. Sam does not like when Betty is talking to her
family or friends on the phone. She gets happy when she does but he wants her attention only focused on him. Betty is not free to go visit her friends or
attend any occasion but Sam dresses up every Saturday and goes from one occasion to another. Is your spouse a narcissist?
Thirdly, a narcissist is usually charming and attractive. At first in the relationship, he will sway you to tears with affection but that is just a ploy
to get you in. According to Dr. Ramani, a narcissist has the 4 Cs. These are charm, confidence, charisma, and cleverness.
Fourthly, a grandiose narcissist is a control freak. He becomes dramatic in anger and manipulates you to get his way. He is that spouse that must win
the argument and have the last word whether it is right or wrong. They have been described as type A personality who must micro manage the
household till they whimper. They are toxic when you try to be yourself. To control you , they can love bomb you to gain trust . Your spouse can
suddenly sweet talk you but be careful, he may have an ulterior motive if this is unusual. A narcissist starts by telling you what to wear, when to sleep
, what to read, what to cook, who to talk to. These are subtle suggestions that bias you and you never have a mind of your own nor able to express yourself.
Most wives are given the biblical lines of submission as the standard but no one remembers to read the verse before that. The narcissist never gives
you an opportunity to improve yourself because he holds you like a captor holds a victim.
In addition, a narcissist, does not care for anyone but himself. He wants to have the best and would rather allow you and the children wallow in lack.
Your spouse may have it to provide, but he uses wealth as weapon. A narcissist punishes by holding back resources which he craftily had
colonized and isolated you from having access. He loves power and uses wealth as that. A narcissist may present as unloving but he sees you as a
resource , supply, with no attachment. Since he does not care about you, he ignores your well being and trivializes any health challenges . A narcissist has no
empathy for others so has conflict with teenagers in the home. Teenagers need empathy.
Furthermore , he is going to embarrass you with little unnecessary lies. Since he wants control of everything and everyone, he must know where
you are. He borrows money and never pays back even to the poor when they work. A narcissist breaks every code of conduct and justifies it. He
turns out to be unreliable and dishonest . He loves to exploit others without shame nor guilt.
Nevertheless, it is very clear what traits and behaviour a grandiose narcissist shows. Can you identify him? He maybe right there in bed with
you. Knowledge will help you survive living with a narcissist. Be sincere and answer the question: Is your spouse a narcissist? In subsequent posts ,
we will discuss the tips on how to manage a narcissist.